Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
