i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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