Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
