He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
