there's paper in my vomit.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
