I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
