I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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