it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize