i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
