I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
