wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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