I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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