it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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