Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
