We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Nicole vs. Life
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
