...so i touched it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
