I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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