yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
