i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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