i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
