too bad you live with your parents still
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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