Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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