Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
