I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
