finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
