Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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