We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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