if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
