Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize