I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
that's an acceptable place to lick
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
