Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
