Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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