Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
