the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
