I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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