Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
