I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
there is glitter all over my balls
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
