My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
