so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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