I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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