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Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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