You made me cry and you don't even care
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
