I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
