He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
