I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am midnight drunk by noon
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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