I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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