I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im holly from the hills drunk
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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