How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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