Apparently you make a good broom.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
