Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
