just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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