she smelled like a LAN party
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
