I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
