are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
