Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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