plz talk dirty to me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
They took my balls.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
