He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
