she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
