I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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