no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
