he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
