I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
