I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
