Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
