Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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