It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
