Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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